Dating or getting married to a DJ in this God forsaken country should quickly be added in the “A thousand ways to die” list. These people are honestly becoming a threat to society. From public display of guns to carrying out murders and now the latest incident of Dj brownskin recording his own wife committing suicide in front of their kids while doing nothing to stop her. Out of topic but, is it a requirement for these Literally unknown djs to call themselves funny uninspiring names? Is it like a cult whose first rite of passage is to come up with a childish name like say, DJ fatxxo or DJ Brown skin? Arrrrgggg.
Something terribly evil is going on in this country.
It is only in marriage where the line between love and hate is so thin it’s almost non existent. Spouses have become the enemies that want to see your downfall Or at the very worst, murder you. Getting in bed with your enemy has never had a more literal meaning.
My first reaction when I watched that video was that of pure rage. That someone could watch the mother to his kids commit suicide and record the whole incident while being completely condescending to her was a new level of cold indifference. No empathy whatsoever. Meanwhile, telling the kids nonchalantly to give their mum some milk since “she’s trying to kill herself.”
I watched that video in the middle of the night, drowsy and seconds away from falling asleep. Less than a minute into it I was sitting upright in darkness, completely shocked and rubbing my eyes in disbelief. The mere audacity. And yet, If I felt that this was indescribable audacity, I had seen nothing. I saw the man in a photo standing next to his wife’s grave accompanied by a long paragraph that could easily have been mistaken for someone that was terribly sad for having lost his wife. Month after month, on their anniversary and on the deceased wife’s birthday, this man kept writing long beautiful paragraphs of love dedicated to the woman who was once his lover but whom he’d watched take her own life. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the audacity for me. This is what repulses me the most. This man acting like a mourning husband devastated by the death of his wife and mother to his kids.
After a while however, after the initial shock and disbelief had washed over me, my thoughts started taking a different direction.
I know I am going to get alot of flak for this and I say it at the risk of receiving backlash from most of you. It has to be said, sooner or later.
So many men are fighting silent wars that society will never know of or understand. Some neighbours to the couple have come out to say that the dj’s wife was a very dramatic woman who had threatened to kill herself on numerous occasions. Some are pointing out that the man and even kids had witnessed this before and that is why no one in the house seemed fazed by whatever was happening. Apparently it was a case of boy crying wolf. From the video, you can see a young boy come in while the mum is groaning on the floor and ask “dad what have you done to mom’s photo?” No concern at all for the dying mom. A bit confusing in my opinion. The nanny too looks unfazed as she tries to hand the cup of milk to the already zoned out woman. Meanwhile, when the video starts, the lady is seen gulping the contents of the cup and throwing it angrily at the dj.
Depression is real. It is here with us in our African society, a disease that was formerly a preserve of the western world. It’s now here with us and is slowly morphing into something that we cannot handle. We cannot handle it because it is a new concept to most of us. Bipolar disorders are also on the rise. Most of those suffering from these disorders are labeled dramatic and ignored to suffer on their own. “Huyo anakuaga dramatic achana na yeye.” We are quick to dismiss.
People will be fast to say things like, “women should learn to love themselves and walk out of marriages once they are no longer working.” We forget so easily that it’s never black or white when it comes to such matters and that, that is normally what a mentally healthy, normal thinking person would do. Forgetting that when a person is depressed their ability to think and reason is clouded by dark thoughts.
Having said that -and this is where I now want to play devil’s advocate – not all women are good women, as society would want us to believe. Some have perfected the act of being emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse as we know it includes gaslighting, projection, retaliation and emotional blackmail. In all it’s definition we should be careful not to label petty acts as emotional abuse. How do you recognize when you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship? The red flags are always there for us to ignore but ultimately, emotional abuse has been proven to be one of the most damaging types of abuse in the long run. Study shows that it’s effects are even more long term than those of physical abuse and in some cases, permanent. Some effects of an emotionally abusive relationship can include anxiety, chronic depression, PTSD among others. Most of the times victims of this type of abuse don’t even realise they are in it and some of the signs include threats, isolation and insults. Control and intent to destroy using one’s words or actions. Anger is to human nature, but when some of these repulsive behaviours are done repeatedly to form a pattern, when the abuse becomes a pattern and is slowly being accepted as a norm then the partner needs to ask themselves tough questions, like “Am I in an emotionally abusive marriage/ relationship?”
Continually threatening one with killing yourself is the highest form of emotional blackmail there is and some women have become good at it. I am not saying this is what happened in the dj’s case – I for sure do not know the details – but if we are being honest with ourselves most women in this generation have become master manipulators who need to sit down and have conversations with themselves then try and be better spouses. Change your ways, respectfully. And i am saying this as someone who almost never empathizes with the boychild. They happen to be human beings too, with emotional needs and wants. Men’s mental health is important too. Society needs to start having some of these discussions.
We need to do better as a whole, male or female. Just because it doesn’t leave visible scars doesn’t mean emotional abuse is a lesser evil.
What happened to Sharon Njeri should never be allowed to happen again and should not have gotten to that point in the first place. Rest with the angels mami, I hope you are at peace now.
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