Female Masturbation Is not a Sin

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem.

Apparently, the topic on female masturbation is taboo. An abomination to even talk about it in public. If you as much as whisper it to anyone who cares to listen, they’ll condemn you with that sideways evil eye. That eye that says “slut”.

I don’t understand it. Why is female masturbation such a sensitive topic? Men do it from a tender age. As young as twelve. They talk about it while still in upper primary. They confide in each other. By the time they are in high school, wanking is considered a norm. It’s not this mysterious thing to them that no one wants to talk about. They do in the showers almost every morning. And then do it again at night under the covers.

By the time I finished my high school, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a woman masturbating. How? If you’d ask me really, I would have laughed in your face because the lack of seriousness would have been apparent in you. Four years. Four years of adolescence and hormones cruising through you and not one time was it ever whispered that such a thing existed.

Most men don’t even know if their wives do it. No, not that they’ll rather not know. They actually don’t know. It has never crossed their minds that their wives could take matters into their own hands, literally. It’s a shame because that is what is stringing most marriages together. An incompetent, lazy man who rolls immediately to his side once the deed is done. And a miserable woman who waits for him to fall asleep then finish what the clueless man begun. Shame on you, yeah you there cringing on your screen acting all holy. Because you know what, female self loving does exist.

Unfortunately, some women will die without ever realizing the amount of power they hold over their bodies in their own hands. Yeah, hands. There is nothing as powerful as a self induced orgasm. Some women don’t even know their own anatomy! They don’t even know how their body parts function! How can a man love you fully if you don’t even know how to love yourself? Some have never even looked at their naked selves in the mirrors. Don’t laugh; it’s true! A woman who doesn’t even know how her breasts look like. How many of you here know the color of yourselves down there? Anyone? …. No one? Err, okay. All those magazines advising women to tell their husbands what to do and what not to do during coitus. “Show him the parts you’d love him to touch”, the magazines shout loud and clear. This advice is not working because the women themselves don’t know. They don’t know their pleasure spots. Come on, understand your body. Spare a day a month to loving yourself. Yes, with wine and candles and- this is the hardest part- buy yourselves flowers.

Go ahead and touch yourself. Anywhere you want. Even down there. Especially down there. Know how it feels like. Its texture, its size etc, etc. what is this warmth people keep talking about? Feel it for yourself. It is not a sin. If a man doing it isn’t a sin why would a woman doing it be? Whoever put that mentality in peoples head should be hunted down and hanged! Personally I think I know where this came from in the African society.

Men in the traditional African society were selfish bastards. I know, I know that came off wrongly but hear me first. And no, don’t curse that loudly. Now that is a sin. The cursing, of course. Everything the African man came up with was geared to benefit him. Not the woman. Never the woman. So you can marry any number of women you want as long as you have the wealth to sustain them. This is good for you. Very good. But there is a slight problem. It is you, one man, servicing 6 women. Now, we all know about African women and their high libidos. It is a well documented fact. Don’t ask me where it is documented. I can’t remember…..but that is neither here nor there.

So, you have six wives. 353 days a year you are always on top. No, not on top of what you are thinking. On top of the game, is what I meant. How do you counter this problem? The African man thought and thought. And the best solution he came up with is laughable, to say the least. Simple, cut off the clitoris! Alas, problem solved!

Then go ahead and keep off any type of protein from them! No eggs. Keep them off certain vegetables. Give them lame ass chicken parts that don’t add any benefits to the body. Like chicken wings! No libido inducing value at all! Make them work hard in your huge farm as you sit all day lazing around and clearing that fence you cleared yesterday, and the day before yesterday. The kids will take care of the cattle because you know what; you need as much energy as you can for wife number 22 at night!! Who also happens to be your most favorite wife!

Before I get carried away by the African man narrative, which is a whole narrative by the way; where was I?

Aha. Women, love you. That way, you can allow others to love you easily. Stand in the mirror and get to understand your body.

Thinking about the African man exhausts me. Truly, I’m exhausted.

See you in my next post.

Have a self loving day now. Won’t you?