Amanda looked at the image that was staring back at her from the mirror and cringed. She had just washed her face and removed her wig. She licked her lips and rubbed her hands together, wondering what she could do to salvage her position and image. She looked at her image again and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
She was washed out. Her face was haggard and worn out and the wrinkles on her eyes couldn’t be hid any longer. Her lips had cracks and the black spots on her face could not disappear, no matter what chemical or face cream she used. She stood up and stretched, inevitably staring the full sized image of her body on the mirror. The only consoling factor was her breasts. They were still firm, thanks to the expertise of the doctor who had injected her years back, when she was sixteen. She however frowned when she saw her ass and thighs; flabby, saggy and lots of cellulite. The creams had clearly not been the best option and she made a mental note to see that doctor once she gathered enough cash.
She sighed. Cash was hard to come by these days. Back then the doctor might have done it to her for free, but she’d used him and dumped him on her way to the top. She’d used a lot of people and she knew they must be toasting to her downfall now. She smiled sadly. Most of those people had been a liability once she’d gotten to the top- a liability her manager had said she’ll have to do away with. What most people didn’t know however was her own scars. Indeed the number of people who’d used her was more than the ones she had. It was an ongoing process, a prize she had had to pay for the fame.
But now it was gone. Just like that
And to imagine that Amanda was only 32 years old.
She dragged herself to the kitchen- some whisky would suffice at this particular moment. She was shocked to find her cabinet empty, and it hit her that her sister must have cleaned them out. She after all was the only person with access to her house. Her sister, loving but nagging. She was like a thorn in the flesh.
“You cannot have alcohol with your condition. You will be done before you know it. It will completely wash you up. We are planning a comeback remember? You have to look the part.” Her sister would say calmly, but there was no mistaking the rage in her eyes.
“Do you understand me?” she would ask between clenched teeth and Amanda would nod meekly. It was tough love but it was the only love she had right now.
Her phone rang and she almost jumped of fear. Then anxiety replaced fear, and hope replace anxiety. All in a matter of seconds. Maybe it was bad boy, the new celebrity in town. He’d promised to call her up for the new multi million projects he was having. He’d been very categorical about what he wanted from her though. At first Amanda couldn’t believe it. Didn’t he know? Or was he like some she had met, who just didn’t care? She accepted and got even more shocked when he did not request they use protection.
Everybody in the industry new, how could he not?
She let her phone ring without picking; she would call him back. She didn’t want him to know how desperate she was.
She went to her medicine shelf and removed the pills. She stared at them for some time, not really seeing them.
Bad boy- what she had done to him would have given her immense pleasure just a year ago. Right now it did nothing to her, showing how unmoved by anything she now was. She filled her glass with water and hurriedly took her pills, knowing they would probably do more harm than good because she hadn’t taken any decent meal for a whole week now.
She went and took her phone……. Only to find that the missed call was from her sister; not bad boy.
She sank on her bed and let the tears flow.
It all begun when she was fifteen.
# # # #
“I have a boyfriend who can make us stars,” Nancy said breathlessly.
“You have a what?” Amanda asked her friend, her ears picking up like a politician who’d heard the term increment.
“Oh come on, don’t act like you don’t want to be famous.” Nancy said with a devious smile.
“Like hell I do, you can bet your trifling ass on that,” Amanda replied and they both burst into laughter.
“How?” she asked after the laughter had cooled down.
“Tomorrow is half term. You shall know then.” After a while, “yes, tomorrow you shall know.” She said this while shaking her head up and down.
They had taken a bus to the city of lights. Amanda tried asking where she’d gotten the money for two tickets but Nancy cut her short with a sidelong look.
Nancy’s boyfriend was a cool guy who deejay’d at a local club. The local club was almost the size of their biggest club from her home town and she was impressed. The first week went on smoothly and Amanda stopped worrying about her parents back home. She was itching to be a big girl, to be famous and have lots of money.
One evening mat said he was going to introduce her to a rapper. A rapper who wanted young girls to dance for him in his upcoming video. Amanda was elated; too elated to see the secret looks passed between Nancy and mat. She dance up and down for joy; finally her breakthrough was here. When the guy came they went out, the four of them for some fun and beer. She was told to have some wine that was in a small green bottle and she wondered why such sweet wine was put in such an ugly bottle. They drank and drank. And drank.
When she began feeling dizzy she requested they go home and the others agreed too.
What awaited her was not something she had anticipated even in her wildest dreams though.
The moment they got to the house, Nancy pounced on her a starved dog, touching her and kissing her.
‘”hey, hey, what the hell do you think you are doing?” Amanda asked, more surprised than angry. Nancy did not bother to answer her, preferring to go on with her thing.
Amanda was getting a bit worked up now and she tried pushing her way.
“Well, well, what do we have here? A little resistance eh? I love resistance. It turns me on like you cannot begin to imagine. Now, do you want to be famous or don’t you?” the rapper asked with a twitch in his mouth, moving towards her himself.
Amanda said nothing and lowered her eyes.
“That’s our girl now. Of course you do,” he tried laughing but it came out more of a cough and Amanda couldn’t help hearing the foul smell from his mouth. “Now be a good girl, loosen up and let us have some fun. Okay?”
Amanda nodded mildly. She wasn’t thinking straight and even though the level of drunkenness had reduced from her head, she still knew she wanted to be a star. Fame. She was itching for it bad and she knew she would do anything to be famous. No matter what they wanted.
“you will be famous!” a voice in her head kept reminding her.
Slowly she begun undressing and the others hi fived on her back.
She doesn’t remember the exact details of what happened that night but she remembers it was a free for all. Everyone was touching and kissing and groping. She remembered Nancy doing some nasty things on her, then mat was in her and before she knew it she was feeling a different shape insider her.
The incident happened a number of times, over the months.
The good thing was she appeared in the video.
Soon, a chance to appear in another video came, and another and another. She was blessed in the looks department; she was a go getter in the real sense, unlike the other many girls who kept repeating the word but dint know the real meaning to it.
Amanda was the true definition of a female hustler.
She did a few music videos and after a while had a major breakthrough- she was called up to the screen.
The devil gave her fame faster than she thought and she wasn’t very well prepared for it. At sixteen she did a boob job and the operation was highly successful. Her fame increased, growing out of proportion.
Her reputation though was another thing all together.
Amanda did anything for money, anything for life by the first lane. She had a convertible at nineteen.
She gave her ass for a contract in the leading music stable. Rumors did rounds that there had been a number of guys on that night; that very nasty things had been done to her. Nevertheless, her fame kept growing.
People said she’d been passed around, like a plate of snacks but they probably didn’t know how MUCH she really had been passed around. Everyone worth his money had had a taste of her.
She was probably the devils incarnate, sleeping around without a care in the world. From one famous person to another, from one politician to another, from one man to his brother. She broke families without blinking and did things that would put Paris Hilton to shame. She had sold her soul to the devil.
She forgot new acts were coming up though. Real talents that dint depend on riding producers and other famous people for their albums to be marketed, for a column in the entertainment magazines.
Plus the small issue of her many agents and managers who stole from her.
Oh and the fact that she forgot to save, thinking whatever was between her legs would be there to get her through whatever, whenever. Like one of her famous rides had said, the only way to get to be famous is while on your back.
How wrong!!!
It probably would have though, had it not been for that one life changing incident.
Her friend Kate was going for a HIV test and requested her to accompany her. Kate, the new kid on the block who was famous for being famous. For having a pretty face and a big ass.
Seeing as she had been having problems with her private parts of late, she decided it would do her no harm to go and get tested herself.
Kate, it turned out, was negative.
Amanda was HIV positive and to top it all had herpes. She was devastated and sad. The worst part though is that after a week everyone knew. The hardest part was, the only way she got contracts was while on her back, so after a while they stopped coming……
The downfall had begun.
