I still shudder to think of what would have happened on that fateful night a few weeks ago had I not made that phone call. Everything happens for a reason they say and sometimes random acts that may seem meaningless at that moment might have a bigger hidden purpose. I strongly believe that this is exactly how things unfolded on that night.
I was in the house alone, flipping through the channels bored to death with no end in sight to my constant yawns. No show seemed interesting enough for me to watch and I begun to wonder if age was ~slowly~ quickly creeping up on me. Unnoticed. Not that unnoticed however, because I definitely was beginning to take note of the little details. Absent mindedly, I picked my phone and toyed with it abit, shuffling between tiktok and Instagram. It made no difference; everything seemed so dull and distant.
Then this random thought of a friend I had last talked to a month ago crossed my mind. I thought about him for a few seconds before my mind drifted to other things, while letting out another loud yawn.
Michael. His name crossed my mind again and for some weird reason I sat up straight, the hair on my skin standing on end. We had last talked about a month ago, but the conversation came rushing back like it was yesterday. I remembered asking him repeatedly if he was okay, to which he kept answering to the affirmative. Michael, a friend I had known for years, the one person I could always count on to come through for me no matter what, had definitely not been okay. I immediately dialed his number only to be rudely interrupted by a lady’s voice informing me that I was short on airtime. I sighed and wanted to put the phone away, but my mind couldn’t let me. Suddenly I felt so unsettled and on the edge. I was broke as broke could be, without a penny in my Mpesa to buy airtime but I knew I somehow had to make that phone call. So I called him via WhatsApp.
I called him thrice before he picked my call the fourth time.
“Hi Mike,” I greeted cheerfully, although I could tell almost immediately that something was the matter.
“Hey hi,” he tried to force a smile but failed miserably.
“What’s wrong?” I asked concernedly, a hard knot beginning to form in my throat. He tried to speak but no words could form and I could have sworn his hands were trembling due to the shaking of the phone. I stared into his eyes and they looked so different, so hollow, so lifeless. I suddenly noticed his haggard face and shaggy uncombed hair.
“What’s wrong Mike?” I asked again softly.
“Your timing couldn’t have been worse,” he said hoarsely. And then the most unexpected thing happened; he burst into tears.
I was lost. I felt hopeless for a few minutes. I honestly didn’t know how to handle a crying man – they cry so rarely. If only I was physically close to him, then I’d have hugged him and let him cry it out. What was I supposed to have done over the phone? So I just told him comfortingly words without ceasing, but I’d be lying if I say remember exactly what I said to him. When he finally could calm down and talk, I asked him for the umpteenth time what the issue was.
Reluctantly, he showed me an opened sachet and a liquid in a cup. He didn’t have to say it, I knew almost immediately.
“Why?” I asked almost in a whisper, careful not to let my voice betray the fear in me, the raging emotions.
“Why not? I am exhausted. Mentally, physically, financially. Do you know Mary took vicky from me?”
Mary was his daughter’s mother who had left him 2 years ago when things started going south for him. Vicky was his 8 year old daughter that he loved more than anything. The only thing that constantly kept him going. The only thing – in his own words- that propelled him to not giving up. He always lit up when talking about her. You could tell that he genuinely loved her. You could see how much it hurt him to be cut off from her life.
“When? When did this happen?” I managed to ask.
“Eight months ago. I’ve never told anyone. I’ve tried reaching Mary in vain. She changed lines, changed houses and even changed jobs. It is like they disappeared from the face of the earth.”
I was listening to him while busy searching my contacts for someone I could send over to his place to stay with him until his mind became stable. Someone that lived close to him. Which was proving to be quite the task seeing as I had to give him my full attention. Show him that I was listening to him and that I cared. While scrolling through my phone. At this point I thanked God for making me place that call and thanked safaricom home fibre for the steady internet, because I could not afford to lose him, could not afford to lose eye contact with him. If the internet decided to act up then it truly would have put me in a precarious position. For the almost two hours that he kept rumbling while I listened, my internet did not disappoint, staying as steady as a rock.
I could feel the anguish all the way from where I was.
“I am ready to let it all go. I am ready to rest. I don’t deserve to live. What father doesn’t take care of his family’s needs? I can’t afford to even buy her books!”
I remember mumbling something while frantically searching through my contact list. I said things to keep the conversation flowing and keep him talking
There she was. Our mutual friend Rosey. I texted her and asked her to stop whatever she was doing and rush to Michael’s place. It was urgent, I wrote and told her not to call me.
He kept talking. Of how since he had been laid off work he couldn’t get another job, even with his masters and years of experience. He lamented that his landlord was planning to kick him out of the house in the coming few weeks because of the 5 months arrears that he’d accrued. How none of his family members talked to him since he stopped supporting them financially and how his friends now avoided him like the plague. But I think what really broke him was losing contact with his daughter.
He talked and I listened and after I while I could feel him calming down, slowly but surely.
I remember hearing someone pounding on the door. Only then did I start breathing properly again as I knew that was Rosey. It indeed was her.
I Don’t know why I decided to share this other than to raise awareness about how much people are going through out there. It’s getting crazier especially since the mental health of most of us has gone to the dogs. You don’t know how bad it is until a person snaps. Check out on your family and friends on the regular. Be kind to strangers, you don’t know who needs it. And while at it, invest In home wifi, if not for work purposes, you never know how handy it might come in one day. Like how safaricom home fibre got my back on that night.
