Is Thirty The New Fifty?

When did I become this wise? I ask myself the moment my feet hit the ground every morning.

I look at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth and sometimes I really don’t recognise the image smiling back at me. I am always smiling whenever I get the chance – a trick I learned earlier on in life, my little way of making sure I stay happy in life no matter what.

This is one of those random posts I occasionally write that have no forward or backward (round that off to your nearest mother tongue.)

When it comes to maturity, 30 is indeed the new 50. Granted, my mother already had a stable family, three kids, a house and a fairly well off husband by the time she was thirty (only for the cruel hand of fate to snatch that man from her two years later, May his soul continue Resting in peace) but who is to say that I am not more mature and realistic with life’s expectations than she was then?

Different eras, different struggles and different expectations have led us to have a whole different approach to life all together. Years ago, a thirty year old single woman would have heavily been frowned upon. Called all sorts of names and avoided like the plague by her married friends. Bad influence to people’s marriages, they would say, or something to that effect. Now it’s becoming the norm at a fast rate.

I wouldn’t trade my 30 year old single self for anything else. I love the independence that comes with it. I may not at all times know what I want, but I as sure as hell know what I do not want….I know what makes me happy and what doesn’t. I understand myself more than I ever would have during my twenties. I understand my flaws and appreciate the fact that they do not limit who I am.

At what point in life did I become this wise? When did I finally understand the concept of happiness?

Happiness….is it an illusion? Is it something that we are constantly in pursuit of, but which we never truly achieve? Has anyone ever gotten to a point where they can claim to have experienced genuine happiness?

When it happens, do we realise that we are experiencing happiness or does the moment pass by without one even acknowledging it, only to look back years later and think “damn, that was the happiest I’ve ever been?”

I have come to learn to appreciate the small things in life. The minute things that I would never have given a second thought to in my twenties. I smile often and freely. I love being happy and so to that end I make sure I create my little haven of happiness. I appreciate and acknowledge the good scenes in this play book called my life. I say thank you when I can, not because I should but because I mean it.

I take note of the snide remarks and let them slide. I get out of situations that don’t favour me fast and without making a scene. I know who to cut off completely, who to forgive (family we forgive, and friends whose good outweighs the bad we forgive too.) I’ve learnt to let go easily, not to be attached to the unattached and above all, I’ve come to know that good deeds should be carried foward.

For every good deed someone does to me, (I have a journal with all kinds of things in it lol) I make sure to pay it back or better yet, to carry it forward to someone else that might need it one day. I do not take my friendships for granted. I remind my friends how much I love them and do not hesitate to let it be known I would cross oceans and climb mountains for them. Which wouldn’t be that hard, because the number of friends I have cannot be more than the fingers of my right hand.

I send my mother money when I can, randomly and without her asking.

Have I become too soft? Maybe. Put in mind however that softness runs in the blood, and my mother is the softest human being you’ll ever come across. Yelling is not in my nature. Even though first impressions to new people is usually that of a strict person (a guy that was hitting on me a while back told my bff how scared he is of me) I promise you I am as soft as they come.

30 has been so freeing to me, the year I decided I wanted to do more than just exist; I wanted to live. Pause and smell the roses. Love with intensity and hopefully get the feeling reciprocated. Show unconditional love to my child. Give her the space to make her own decisions (or create this facade where you act like you are letting her make her own decisions, when in reality you are the one calling the shots hehe). I told you, I have become very wise.

I want to apologize to all the people I called old because they were 30. Forgive me for I was young and naive. Age, just like happiness, is a state of the mind. I remember reading erotic books in my teenage years and frowning when they stated the age of the personas as 34 or something. I would mentally cross out those ages and replace them with 24 and below. Even 28 seemed like an old person to me. A close friend told me that thirty always seemed like a joke until it happened to her.

Now all she does is sleep anytime we are out past 10pm. I have not gotten there yet, but I know that moment is coming because all my friends do that now. When it starts happening I will embrace it, simply because you cannot fight a war you have no chance of ever winning.

A typical 30year old out past 10pm

Anytime you are in a group of these “old people” ten minutes cannot go by before out of the blues someone throws in a reminder that you are growing old.

“The thing with the age we are in now……,”

“The older I am growing the more I realise…..,”

“when I was younger…….”

“Sijui kama ni uzee, lakini…..”

“Mimi nayo sikuhizi nimezeeka si Siri….” Or the best one of them all, “I think I’ve become old.” Trust, there is never a shortage of reminders.

Embrace the years, make the most of everything and above all, learn to love yourself. We only have one life to live so make the most of it.

Right