A famous female celebrity once said she chose her career over any man because it would never wake up one day and say it did not love her anymore.
And i wholeheartedly agree with her.
There is this show on Ebru Tv called chit chat that usually has these interesting discussions that i found myself watching today. A certain lady viewer called asking for advice. Her situation? She has a boyfriend that she has been trying to get to propose to her for the past four years but he’s been ignoring her, acting like he doesn’t understand her hints and playing for more time. Now, she’s gotten a scholarship to go study abroad for three years but all of a sudden the guy doesn’t want her to leave.
This story is predictable. You know what he does next, right? Right. He proposed to her and is now talking about marriage and kids.
Is it that this guy is scared of losing her or scared that she is going to meet someone better than him? Perhaps he is scared she will come back better and bigger? Too big for his comfort? We all know of guys who are scared of being in a relationship with a woman who earns more than them. Is that it then?
look , these questions are rhetoric. I do not expect any answers from you. All i know is, the fact that this lady is asking all these questions means she knows something is wrong. Deep down, she understands this person is giving her an ultimatum plus the fact that it took her traveling abroad fro this guy to even propose…i mean come on, there is a very high chance that this person was putting you on a leash while waiting for someone better to come along. Chances also are that no one did.
Ladies should learn to love themselves. Learn to read situations. Don’t give your all to someone who gives their 20%.
I call it the 80-20 rule.
In any relationship, one party is bound to love more than the other party. This party gives 80% and receives 20% and the other person by default or by design, gives 20% and receives 80%. I urge you to search within yourself, study your relationship without prejudice and be very honest to yourself. Which party are you?
My simple advice to all ladies – if you are the one dishing out 80%, you need to bounce. Start looking for better options because woman you might as well be dating yourself. I am not just saying. I mean it. Better be the one receiving 80% than the one giving it out. Because if you are receiving the twenty just know that your partner is there with one leg outside the relationship, waiting for a better opportunity (in this case person) to come along. And the thing is in this world there will always be someone better than your partner, be it physical appearance, financially or even personality wise. So yeah, we choose to love a person. Love is not an emotion, it is a decision. unfortunately , most people go out there hunting for that ¨feeling¨ of love (he makes me feel so alive etc etc ) and find themselves in all the wrong places, with the wrong people.
I seem to be drifting, (as i always tend to do)
My point is ( and i cannot seem to emphasize this enough) ladies need to learn how to love themselves. Not just by mere words but really learn to love themselves. Put the words into practice. Sometimes, this is easier said than done. I have experience of this first hand. I am now only beginning to learn how to. It is not easy, but i can guarantee you this – the feeling is out of this world. Learn to put yourself first before anyone else. Matter of fact, ALWAYS put your interests first. It does not matter who will get hurt along the way, you have to think of yourself before anyone else. Do things that will favor you irrespective of who gets hurt. Collateral damage, that’s what everyone else becomes.
So yeah, in the instance of the that lady who asked for advice on what she should do, i tell you to run without looking back. Go get that degree. Better yourself. You need to understand that even if you decide to let go of that scholarship (why would you even do that, why?) that relationship is bound to fail. You let go, fail to travel and stay behind because you love this person. Then what? He starts despising you. You become unhappy. You start ruing the chance you lost. We all know what unhappiness does to a relationship. It’s like having cracks on a glass. After a while, the glass will break no matter what you do or how delicately you handle it. Also, cracks are cracks, you can’t hide them. Choose your career, always. It will not wake up one morning and abandon you for younger blood. Your career will never get tired of you.
You see, i have a close friend who is an amazing actress. She won acting awards when we were in high school. She is a born natural, this one. But her partner would never let her take acting as a career even though i know for sure she would ace it. (she would have been really far by now. I am talking Hollywood far, she’s that good.)
Her partner seems to have this chauvinistic idea that acting is for ladies with loose morals (what, what?) and for that reason alone we will never get to see her amazing talent grace our screens.
I don’t understand. Why let someone else hold your destiny in the palm of their hands. For what? For love? Is love even real? What is love even? Don’t ask me. I wouldn’t know the answer to that if you tied me to the back of a tree and beat the life out of me.
All i am saying ladies is, love yourself, put yourself first. Choose your career.
Let me let you in on a little secret. A man. A woman. They happen to be in a relationship and this man lands a scholarship to go study abroad. Do you know what this man will choose? Without hesitation? Your guess is as good as mine.
