I am seated with someone who, up until a few minutes ago, i thought i really liked. The ambiance is good, the food is great and the conversation is flowing.
And then i see him. Our eyes lock for a whole ten seconds, even though it feels like a lifetime and suddenly, unexpectedly, i feel the blood rushing to my head and i begin to panic. I realise he is staring at me shamelessly even though he is with with another woman and yet i do not mind because, you know, i am also on a date with another man. As if on cue, my partner turns his head to look at whatever it is that made me lose interest at what he was saying, and that is when the stranger who made my blood boil with just a glance decides to lower his gaze. I have a little triumphant feeling in me, i have just won our first ever war. ¨Our?¨ i ask myself in shock. Did i just say ¨our?¨
¨Have you finally agreed to agree with me?¨ my partner asks in a tense voice and i nod my head and wave for him to go on. I attack my food as if it has just been brought in, and even though i cannot see his face, i can smell the surprise from across the table. I have been told i am very opinionated by a number of people so it will not come as a surprise to you that i almost always win all of my arguments. Which is why, i can tell, my partner is shocked that i let this one go just like that.
My mind goes back to the stranger seated on the table a few meters from ours and i find myself looking at him again. I just can’t help it and if i am being honest, that bit kind of bothers me. He looks up and finds me staring and he gives me a little secret smile. I do not smile back at him, for obvious reasons.
I cannot believe i even like this stranger. He is too good looking, although that isn’t even the part that bothers me. I am bothered by the fact that he is a very, very light skinned man. I have never been attracted to his kind you see. I love dark men. I can’t tell you why exactly, i know also, that this may rub some people the wrong way but dark skin men ooze testosterone and look/ feel super masculine. God knows i am a stubborn girl who needs a tough guy to handle her. Like the one i am on a date with.
But no, my mind is on the light skin guy who made my head spin with just one look.
I hate what i am feeling right now.
I know beyond reasonable doubt that it cannot work out with the guy i am with. I realise he isn’t the right person for me. I never had these ¨butterfly¨ moments when with him, even though he is a cool kind hearted person and all. But what shocks me the most is how i am not bothered by that little realization. It is like i don’t even care if this other person will be hurt or not. And that is the truth – i don’t.
Nowadays, i only look out for myself. Everyone else is just collateral damage. After my last relationship, i perfected the act of thinking like a man. Thinking like a man takes you places. It teaches you love yourself and always put yourself first.
I need to leave. The beautiful part is i don’t have to play games and tell a friend to call me and lie that there is an emergency somewhere that i have to attend to.
My partner is not surprised. I think he knows.
He offers to drop me but i politely decline. Because then i will not be able to execute my little devilish plan.
¨If we are meant to be we will be,¨ my partner calls after me but i do not as much as give him a glance. He just sealed his fate unknowingly. Anybody who says that to me i cross off immediately because i have never believed in that mantra. You have to work hard at something, especially something like a relationship. You have to put in the effort. Relationships are never easy, they are like crops that need constant attention. Gardening, watering, weeding, pruning etc etc. (i am only giving this example because it is the one that first came to mind he he. Lest you mistaken me for being a farmer. Not that being a farmer is a bad thing, actually, it is the new cool in town…..wait, why am i even explaining myself to you.)
I breathe in the fresh air outside.
My plan is simple. If light skin boy follows me outside, then, you know, it is what it is. If he doesn’t, it is also, you know, what it is. Risky, risky plan considering the fact that he was probably on a date with the woman he was having dinner with. It hits me then that i didn’t look at her once. Collateral damage, is what.
I take my phone from my purse, ready to call an uber to ferry me out of here. I cannot dare look behind me, for fear of realizing my worst thoughts. What was i even thinking? I ask myself sternly. I should just have sat with my date and continued with the modest conversation we were having. Plus, he did have a sense of humor. How reckless of me! How very reckless of me! Did i really, really believe that the truly good looking, gorgeous fellow was going to follow me? (i know i am a very pretty woman, but i do not consider myself to be dropping hot.)
Just as the uber guy calls me, i feel a tap on my shoulder. My heart skips a beat and i find myself holding my breath. Hoping, but at the same time not daring to. I allow myself to breathe out slowly and turn.
It is him, my handsome guy and even though i feel like i am dreaming, i am not surprised. Because if he felt just half of what i felt with that first glance, there was no way he was not going to follow me outside.
¨Let´s go have a drink,¨ he says softly.
Looking into his eyes, i know there is no way i can say no to his offer. I already feel myself melting as he offers me his arm.
¨Lets use my uber,¨ i find myself muttering.
¨we`ll use my car,¨ he answers.
Perfect.
