Someone Tell #KOT

#someonetellsouthafrica

#someonetellnigeria

#someonetelluganda

#someonetelltanzania

#someonetellCNN

#someonetell…. Well, someone tell anyone who cares to listen.

Because it seems that’s all we are doing of late; telling someone something. Looking at all those hash tags leaves you shaking your head in amusement. Could this be a pointer to bigger underlying issues that we know nothing about or live in denial over?  Do Kenyans have serious issues? As you analyze the situation, may I gently remind you that in all the above “tweefs,” it is the Kenyans who came out on top (pun intended). Not just on top, but resoundingly so. All the above mentioned countries were left mouths ajar, wondering what the hell they got themselves into. Because the army of Kenyan keyboard warriors is like a hive of angry bees, stinging anyone who gets in their way. They would not hesitate to pour their wrath on you if you as much as dared paint their country in bad light. These “tweefs” left African powerhouses like South Africa and Nigeria reeling in disbelief, with a horrible taste in their mouths. The memes are churned out at the speed of lighting and if you can remember well the meme that took the prize. Yes that one; that one that massacred Nigerians on twitter. The one that left them with (in popular twitter slang) no comeback. The infamous “map of Africa” (Google it). I would have talked about the “someone tell CNN” hash tag but then I realize I would be giving CNN airtime they don’t deserve. After the first hash tag the feedback was so huge that they had to apologize. Then it dawned on them that they were sleeping on a goldmine. Why not use #KOT for their own selfish use? Kenyans are a proud people so all it takes is provoking them by painting their nation in bad light. And then bam! A hash tag and you are trending. Well played CNN, well played.

While still on matters patriotic, may it be worth noting that Kenyans are amongst the most patriotic people on earth. Let not our lack of “blind mass following” be mistaken for lack of patriotism. It’s just that in Kenya we neither follow ideologies blindly nor do we condone mediocrity AT ALL. Therefore, we call out bullshit for what it is. That is why local celebrities confuse our criticism for hate. Case study: prezzo. Even when he was the most hated housemate in big brother, Kenyans stood by him to the last minute. To date he is the most talked about housemate in the history of big brother. That’s because he represented the country well. Compare with other Kenyan housemates that I will not name who the country wanted out even before they had fully settled in. because of that, no one even bothered to vote for them. The fact that we didn’t support them because of the single reason that they were Kenyans speaks volumes. The million dollar question is what other virtue are you presenting? If being Kenyan is the only reason you want Kenyans to support you, get the hell out of here. Seriously, we have other pressing issues to deal with.

I love Victoria kimani.

A few days ago, she called on Kenyans to support their own. She actually said the problem with Kenyan youth is that they do not support their local celebrities. I beg your pardon? Look at STL. She has spent most of her life abroad, as has Victoria. Yet….listen to her music, watch her videos. She is proud of her identity as a Kenyan, as a kikuyu. And because of that, we identify with her. Our love for her is too deep, to be honest. We love you too Vicky, but we do not connect to your music, I am sorry. Jua cali, juliani, sauti sol, e-sir, gidi gidi maji maji, rabbit, avril and many others are an example of the many Kenyan artists whose music is loved and cuts through all barriers. So that notion of not supporting our own does not hold water.

Could the insane amount of time that Kenyans spend online be a pointer to the high rate of unemployment in Kenya? Young people spend hours and hours on end trolling, setting standards, passing judgment and forming cliques. How serious if the unemployment issue in Kenya?

Another puzzle is, could Kenyans be hurting so much from the tribal divides that they use these hash tags to get that sense of belonging, sense of unity that they feel is missing in real life? Are these hash tags a blessing because they bring Kenyans together irrespective of tribal affiliations?

Meanwhile, what started as a simple chat online, making friends and networking has now turned into a movement that is respected worldwide. #KOT have become a law unto themselves, calling fraudsters and politicians out for their lies. Heck, they’d even call out the president if he did something wrong, something they have done in the past on numerous occasions. It is now an open secret that #KOT are a force to reckon with. A club that other countries envy. A few things have helped make Kenyan among the best internet users in the continent. For starters, the government recently installed broadband infrastructure. Thus, the country has the fastest internet speed, second only to Ghana. As of internet usage, we are in the top league. And our only colleagues are Egypt, Nigeria and Morocco.