First dates can be exciting. I love the thrill and anticipation that comes with meeting someone for the first time and getting to know about them.
Talk less of the curiosity and pinch of nerves that come along. You are after all, meeting someone new and wondering if there’s a spark. A lot is going on in your mind at this point, reminding yourself not to be over eager to please, but at the same time you want to show the best version of yourself. While there’s no magic formula to a perfect date, you need to remember that at the end of the day, dating is just but a game and the smartest player always wins. To play the game, you need to be fun, classy and comfortable. I am here today to give a little advice to the ladies especially, that will help you handle your first date with confidence and ease.
- Set the Tone Beforehand
Always remember that mindset matters over everything when it comes to dating. Do not overthink this – it is not a job interview. Be calm, curious and open to enjoying the moment. That is the only way you will actually get to enjoy the mood. Once you enjoy the mood, everything else will flow. An easy person is fun to be with. And a fun person gets to be chosen over and over again. (I am avoiding using the term “picked” because you know, social media).
Don’t pressure yourself or him for that matter into making it perfect.
- Let Him Make the First Move
Requesting to meet someone is not wrong. However, requesting to meet someone for the first time is sure as hell wrong. Never ask a man out on a first date. It sets a precedent that will not be favourable to you in the long run. Why should he make any effort moving forward? And as we all know, he/ she that asks for a date should be the one to pay. It is written in the book of the holy grail of dating. How will you then, ask for a date and expect the other party to pay? And now that you have paid for the first date, how hard will it be for you to pay for subsequent ones?
There’s still charm in allowing a man to ask you out first. It shows initiative and effort on his part. Let him lead, for crying out loud. He is the man.
- Keep First Dates Public
Never ever meet a man in his house or somewhere “intimate” on a first date. It is the unwritten rule. It is simple common sense. This is a person you do not know too well of. Avoid private spaces until you know each other better.
A coffee shop, a restaurant or park makes for a safer and more comfortable first meeting spot. Houses, lodgings, airbnb or hotel rooms are a no go zone for a first date. And if he tells you, “nitakuja lini kwako unipikie,” block that sorry excuse of a man very fast.
- Don’t Bring the Interview Table
Keep conversation light and fun. Opening a notebook in the middle of conversation so you can refer to the list of questions you brought with you is cringe, for lack of a better, stronger word. It is even worse when your questions are like “How many kids do you want?” First of all, who told you he wants any kids? Or even if he did, why are you asking him? Do you want to give him those kids? And most importantly, what business of yours is it how many kids the poor guy wants?
“What are you looking for in a woman?” ehh, my Lord. and btw, you should never ask a man what he is looking for in a woman. Just sit, listen and observe. That question will answer itself eventually. They always answer this question unprovoked. Always, like clockwise. It is their favourite question lol.
- Mind Your Order
Your host just ordered a simple cocktail or milkshake and you are here ordering a kg of nyama choma, a large plate of chips masala, a bottle of their most expensive wine and the largest bottle of water they have.
Jiheshimu nanii….
Read the room, lest you are left peeling potatoes the whole day in the kitchen to make up for the bill because the guy left for the washrooms and never came back. Read the mood. Be considerate when ordering and don’t go way beyond what your host chooses; keep it simple and thoughtful.
- If You Bring a Friend, Be Smart
Maybe you do not feel comfortable enough to go on this date alone…yet. It is okay to bring a friend along, but put in mind there are always rules to this. For one, make sure they sit separately so your date doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Make them sit at a different table where they cannot eavesdrop or throw in an occasional comment. And remember your host is not obliged to pay for your friend. So yes, her cheque is on you.
- Dress for Comfort & Confidence
Make sure you dress the part. Wear something that makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Put on a little make up and dash that cologne. Smelling good boosts confidence … .please do not come in smelling of sweat, it is a major turn off. Remember, when you’re comfortable, confidence shines through.
What he said…….
- Mind Your Body Language
Stop fidgeting. Refer up there when i said be easy and calm and enjoy the moment. Let things flow. Keep it open and relaxed. Smile, make eye contact and avoid crossing your arms. The small cues actually make a big difference. Ohh, and stop looking at your watch every five minutes.
- Phone Etiquette Matters
Silence notifications and avoid scrolling mid-conversation. I actually hardly look at my phone when I am on a date. And if I find I have the urge to, then that means I am not enjoying that date. So I adjust accordingly. Good, interesting dates make you forget about time and before you know it, five hours have gone by like they are 30 minutes. Always remember your attention is the best compliment you can give.
- Manage Your Expectations
Not every first date will lead to love, and that’s okay. Sometimes, you realise that you are not compatible with this person. And that’s okay too. Actually, that is what first dates are for, to check out this person and see if you actually are a good match for each other. Think of it as an experience and not a promise. Do not refer to yourself as his woman on the first date. Or worse, crowning him as “the one.”
Having zero expectations is the only right way, because then you’ll walk away with either a fun memory or a good lesson.
