He said he wanted a Proverbs 31 woman. Well, don’t they all? A wise, humble and prayerful woman. A submissive woman that gives him peace of mind. The kind who wakes up before dawn to prepare breakfast and not content. One that does not “expose” herself to the world.
It’s called preference, and everyone is allowed theirs I suppose. It is a good thing when a person knows what they want and pursues it. The only problem arises when this type of guy says one thing and means the opposite. They shout to anyone that cares to listen about their preference but scroll a little further down his feed, and you’ll find him liking every other video of a woman with a big nyash twerking in a sundress.
His algorithm speaks the exact opposite of what he says. Talk about preaching water and drinking wine.His fyp is full of reels of women in soft lighting dressed in scantily satin robes, the kind of beauty that lives chronically online.
This is the contradiction of our time. Public declarations of morality coexisting with private fascinations for the modern visible woman. This is the generation that hashtags scripture yet builds entire relationships around algorithms. Somewhere between the Bible verse and the brand collaboration, the definition of an ideal partner began to blur. This is the generation that can’t seem to make up their mind whether it values virtue or visibility, or the illusion of both. The truth is, the ideal woman – or man for that matter – no longer lives in a quiet village somewhere scrubbing floors, collecting firewood and making porridge for the children.
The modern woman has Wi-Fi and a soft life wish list. She may or may not know what proverbs 31 talks about. And she definitely revolves her life around the small ring light on her dressing table.For all the talk of wanting simplicity, most people are still chasing visibility.
For context, let’s talk about the proverbs 31 woman, shall we?We have all heard about this perfect, almost unattainable woman that has stood as the gold standard of femininity. She is industrious, wise, nurturing and, above all, modest. This goddess rises before dawn and tends to her household. She speaks with wisdom and never raises her voice. Her husband is respected. Her children are well-fed and her life is orderly and dignified. She has no time for vanity. According to the scripture, her beauty is in her fear of the Lord.
Unfortunately, that woman has become less a symbol of virtue and more a weapon of comparison. The verses meant to celebrate womanhood turned into a measuring stick that modern women are constantly being held against. In sermons and even in dating conversations, her name surfaces like a moral reminder of how far today’s women have supposedly fallen.
But was the Proverbs 31 woman meant to be a literal checklist? Biblical scholars have often pointed out that she was a poetic ideal written by a mother advising her son. The proverbs 31 woman was never meant to be a manual for how women should exist. Yet in modern discourse, she has become a mythological standard. One without flaws, that never gets tired and stays conveniently silent.
But how do you expect a woman that partakes in 50:50 to stay quiet? How do you want a woman that splits bills in half with you to be mum as you run around chasing after baddies because, you know, men are naturally polygamous?
I don’t think the proverbs 31 woman did all the cleaning, cooking, raising children, split bills and still stayed submissive. It is a submissive provider you want, isn’t it? Say it with your chest! The women of today are juggling deadlines, paying rent, running side hustles and raising children without the luxury of servants or land (which I believe the proverbial woman had.) They may not rise before dawn to weave linen, but they wake early to join virtual meetings or beat the Mombasa road traffic. If she lived now, the Proverbs 31 woman would probably have a small business and a busy inbox.
The problem is that the ideal is selectively remembered. She was celebrated for her strength and enterprise and not her silence. Yet her name is always brought up to remind women to be humble and submissive, or, even more ideal for those bringing her up – invisible.
The Instagram baddie embodies the modern woman. A modern muse draped in confidence and chaos. She knows her best angles when posing behind that ring light. Her world is framed in affirmations and wanting to explore the world. She is ambitious and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She represents a kind of femininity that both fascinates and unsettles society. I find it hilarious that they say she is self-absorbed, because is that not how men have always been? Whatever is good for the goose is good for the gander? Or is it not? The paradox is that for all the moral panic around her, the Instagram baddie has somehow become the new symbol of desirability.
It’s easy to scoff at her, but she is simply fluent in the language of her time. And that is visibility. This is the era where livelihood hinges on engagement and she has mastered the art of being seen. The Proverbs 31 woman and the Instagram baddie are chapters in the same story of womanhood. They all go after what they believe in, albeit in different ways. One was praised for her virtue in a world that valued silence while the other is celebrated for her visibility in a world that rewards voice. At the end of the day both are striving to be seen and respected for the fullness of who they are.
So yes, maybe he did find the proverbs 31 woman he wanted in that baddie.
