Practical tips for guiding children in today’s tech heavy world.
There was a time when “go outside and play” was enough for children to have a blast the entire afternoon. Those were our old good days if I’m being honest. I personally miss and reflect on them from time to time. However, today, many of our children would choose scrolling and swiping rather than playing hide and seek and jumping rope. I am not even sure any of today’s kids know how to climb trees, something most of us were really good at back then and really enjoyed doing. Screens have quietly connected themselves into every part of our daily lives from learning, to entertainment and even how our children connect with the world.
According to child psychologists, excessive screen time has been linked to lower physical activity which in turn lead to disrupted sleep patterns and various challenges such as lack of focused attention and socializing issues. This highlights the need for mindful digital use boundaries within families. And while technology comes with numerous merits, parents cannot help but ask, “How do we raise healthy, grounded children without letting screens raise them for us?”
Experts consistently note that children are more likely to develop healthy digital habits when parents are actively involved in their screen use and set consistent limits. I can’t insist enough on consistency… Consistency is the key, fellow parents, because these little ones know how to push boundaries. Ask me about it! Sigh!
The Reality of Raising Kids in a Tech Heavy World
One thing we can agree on is that we cannot fully escape screens. They are in our homes, malls, vehicles, classrooms, churches, and pockets… they literally are everywhere. So while pretending they don’t exist isn’t realistic, surrendering completely isn’t wise either. So what to do? You may ask.
I would say the goal isn’t perfection, but balance. Observations suggest that children who engage in a mixture of screen and non screen activities, especially with parental involvement, show better emotional regulation and social skills.
Remember, our children are growing up in a world we never experienced at their age, and controlling how they engage with it can feel overwhelming. But the good news? We are still the parents. And we still get to set the tone, boundaries and the atmosphere our children grow in. Here are a few suggestions on how we can step up.
- Starting With Connection Before Correction
I always advise parents to focus on building a relationship with their child before introducing the rules. Children need to feel loved. They need to feel seen, heard and connected to respond better to guidance. And this should begin at infancy, but it can be adopted at any age, most especially before teenage hood because this is where they tend to push boundaries the most.
Developmental psychologists emphasize that a strong parent child connection yields more cooperative behavior than strict rule enforcement. Simple habits like shared meals, family book reading/storytelling moments, random chit chats and eye contact go a long way in reminding them that real life connection matters more than virtual stimulation. They need to crave physical connection with their loved ones to be willing to give up screen time for physical interaction.
- Setting Clear and Consistent Boundaries
Children thrive in structure, even when they resist it. So whatever you do, ensure you have a specific structure they’re following on a daily basis, especially outside school. Research shows that predictable routines and consistent limits around screen time go a long way in improving behavior and boosting sleep quality. However, be sure to create screen rules that are realistic and age appropriate. For instance:
- No screens during meals for everyone
- Limited screen time even during holidays
- Device free bedtime routines
- Tech free family moments, among others
Consistency helps your child understand that limits are not punishment, but protection. Don’t forget to spell out the consequences as well. If it means confiscating their mobile phone, switching off WiFi, or taking away a privilege, do it without remorse. Your child needs to see you reinforcing the rules no matter how uncomfortable they are.
Yes I know you might feel sorry for them, or maybe drown in guilt right after. But that’s part of parenting. I have been there before and I understand this too well. Do it anyway, your feelings will catch up with you along the way.
- Modelling What You Want To See
Children learn a lot from watching their parents’ behaviour. So if a child constantly sees their parents glued to a phone, it becomes normal behaviour, which they’re likely to pick up. Therefore, whichever digital habits you desire your child to pick, practise them first. You will notice that when you practise mindful tech use, your children are more likely to follow suit.
This is something most of us parents struggle with, so you understand how hard it can get for your child if you don’t help them gain control of their digital habits early on in life. If you haven’t been intentional about your digital habits, now is the time to try moments such as putting down your phone and choosing conversation, picking up a book more often, or simply enjoying silence in the comfort of your home.
- Encouraging Offline Play and Creativity
Never think that your child would be bored to “death” without their digital device. In fact, boredom is not the enemy but a doorway to imagination. You will be surprised at the awesome ideas your child can come up with to keep themselves entertained away from screens. Specialists highlight that free play and creative activities are critical for developing problem solving skills, resilience and emotional regulation. So encourage simple activities like writing, drawing, painting, reading, playing outside, storytelling, music, or helping with small chores.
Children who learn how to enjoy life beyond screens build resilience and deeper self-awareness. They begin to think about, “What else am I good at?”
- Teaching, Not Just Restricting
Next time, instead of just saying “no” to your child, take time to explain the reason(s) behind your decisions. Children tend to understand and accept boundaries more readily when they comprehend the reasoning, reducing conflict and fostering internal self-control. Therefore, take time to explain to your child how too much screen time affects sleep, focus, and emotions.
Yes, they might not agree with your decision to cut off some screen time, but they will understand why you’re choosing that path. So go ahead and enforce the rules. It’s for their own good. Parental control tools such as Google Family Link will come in handy here.
- Creating Safe Digital Habits
As you do everything else, don’t forget to guide them on healthy digital use habits. Some important areas to cover include online safety, the importance of kindness in digital spaces, avoiding harmful content and the value of privacy. Children with guided digital experiences develop better critical thinking and safer online behavior than those who are left unguided. So ensure your voice is louder than the internet’s influence. Choose to be your children’s first source of information. Otherwise they risk accepting misinformation as the truth. I touch on this more in my book Dear Darling Daughter.
A Gentle Reminder for Parents
You won’t get this perfectly every day, and that’s okay. There will be moments you will give in to extra screen time because you are overwhelmed or simply need some quiet time alone. Extend yourself grace on those days and pick up from where you left off the next day. The important thing is to remain consistent until your child starts to do what’s right without being reminded. I won’t say it takes a day or even a month, but you’ll finally get there, and when you do, that will be your greatest reward.
Also remember, results vary from child to child and from family to family. So don’t use the comparison card, but instead focus on the little wins you achieve with your own child. You could even celebrate those weekly or monthly wins to keep them motivated. Whatever you need to do to keep ticking that score card, go for it!
At the end of the day the goal is not really to raise screen free children, but to raise children who know how to live wisely and intentionally both online and offline. And through your guidance, prayers and of course your presence, they will learn that a full life is made of more than shiny screens. That life off-screen can actually be interesting and full of real adventures. You could actually create unforgettable family traditions around offline games, challenges, etc. Think about it.
So as you think about building healthy digital habits in your home, consider it your way of shaping your child’s future and giving back to society. Which small step will you start with today?
Doris Makori is a Christian author, parenting mentor and mother of four. She writes to equip parents in raising children who thrive in faith, character and confidence. Doris is the author of “Dear Darling Daughter” and “Building Under Construction”, both available at Nuria Bookstore and Hekaya Inscribers. She also enjoys walking alongside parents individually, offering guidance and practical advice to help families flourish.
Here are the Links to her books:
https://nuriakenya.com/product/building-under-construction
https://nuriakenya.com/product/dear-darling-daughter-a-mothers-guide-through-teenagehood
