I recently found myself in a funeral right in the middle of Muranga, in support of a friend who had lost the woman that took care of her when her mom passed on. It was my second time in central Kenya and first time attending a kikuyu funeral. The only other time I had gone to Central was to support a friend that had just opened their club in Nyeri. The party scene I saw there however, is a story for another day.
As someone from the western sides of Kenya, funerals are kind of a big deal you see, and mourning loudly is a huge part of our culture. It was with that mindset that I went to Muranga, complete with zero make up and nothing too fancy. I was ready for the mourning part and wouldn’t allow anything to mess that up, especially mascara and eyeliner. After all, what type of friend would I be if I did not wail out loud with her and her children when we made the dramatic entrance, right?
Boy was I wrong.
The silence was deafening. There was zero fanfare, prayers were said and songs of worship were sung in plenty….but that was it, basically. Even the lowering of the body was done as quietly as possible. I looked around expecting to see tears and wails of anguish, only to be met with none. In Central, the dead are dead, literally, and crying and all that other stuff is considered pointless.
One thing, however, did stand out for me.
The pallbearers of the late aunt were female, dancing and singing traditional songs. In all my years of existence (and they are not kidogo) I have never seen female pallbearers. One might argue that I am not exposed, and they could be right. Whatever the case, that was the first time I was witnessing a coffin being carried by women. I looked around curiously and caught the eye of my friend. Later she explained to me that those were the friends of her late aunt.
We all know that the kikuyu tribe is a highly matriarchal society, but none of us can even begin to fathom to what extent that is so. In a society where land is divided amongst sons and daughters equally, the kikuyu started practising gender equality before modern day feminists were born. They did all this, before the colonisers visited Africa and brought with them a Bible in one hand and a gun in the other, claiming a superior culture, a superior religion and everything in between. (totally unrelated, but i just had to sneak that in lol.)
Where I come from, even as I write this in the great year 2025, daughters inheriting land is still largely unheard of, a very sensitive topic that is almost taboo. And even those that practice it are usually a small percentage that are either very wealthy or very exposed.
I have been thinking a lot ever since that funeral.
Before I go on, I would love to say I never truly understand the women who proclaim loudly that they can never have female friends and are always in the company of male friends. Why? You will never know how amazing women are until you have a problem. When you have a problem, try asking your male friends for help, and try asking your female friends for help too. Watch as the so-called male friends start asking for favors in return. Before you come at me with “not all,” of course I know it is not all. We have good and bad apples from both genders. Male friends, however, half of the time befriend you with a motive hidden somewhere. No matter how harmless they act and pretend that mere friendship is enough for them … .they will almost always lie in wait patiently, waiting for the opportune time to pounce. (yea yea i know, not all.)
Just like a lion in the wild taking care of a baby buffalo (or other prey) just because the baby is too tiny to feed on. Human beings will ofcourse “awwww” and document the strange phenomena, following around the two animals, only for the lion to feed on the calf once it is fattened enough. It is just instinct, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.
All my life, women have come through for me in major ways, and the beauty of it all is that they never even expected anything in return. I swear, women are an amazing species. Even in 2024, when I experienced a really turbulent year, women came through for me, some before I could even reach out for help. They assisted quietly and never talked about it again. I have had female friends who would go to war for me. Granted, I have also had female females who would stab my back at the slightest opportunity, but si ni life? Plus today, this post is specifically about the good apples.
My dad passed on when I was only twelve. My mom has had to figure things out on her own for all those years, a young widow that depended entirely on her husband till he died. And this, because my dad, the same man that paid for her college in 89/90 and found her a job, later requested she stay at home and take care of the kids because he will provide for everything. And true to his word, he provided. He made sure we had a roof over our heads, paid school fees for us in good schools, always put quality food on the table and never lacked anything. And not once did he ever complain or make her feel bad about it. After he died, my mom was green and knew nothing, including where the documents to his assets were. She had to re-learn, and it was never fun, raising five daughters on her own.
My dad was a good man whose life was cut too short.
I grew up most of my life without a father. I do not have a brother. I gave birth to a daughter. My sisters also gave birth to girls. So I have two nieces. My younger siblings never even got to experience my dad and they do not know what male father figures look like.
But we have each other, and we would fight tooth and nail to protect each other. We are all we have. My mother took us to school and made sure we each have degrees. Younger sisters are still in school. When I am happy, I call my mom and sisters. And when I am sad, I call my mom and sisters. They know I have their back – I have demonstrated it severally in the past. They know, and they have never questioned it. If they want money and I have it, I will give without asking what it is for. And if I am in a problem, I know my sisters will bail me out – with no questions asked.
I am surrounded by an amazing family that is all female. And my female friends, I love them so much.
Which is why when I finally die, I want women to carry my casket and lift it up high while dancing to the favourite songs we loved. I want them to sip some kidogo shots and be happy and remember all the times I had their backs.
I want it to be a reflection of the life I had, surrounded by beautiful people. I have very little influence of men in my life, I doubt the ones who have could cover the fingers of my right hand. Do not get me wrong, they have been amazing too, but women have been so influential in my life, and for that, may the pallbearers that carry me, be them.
I do not know though, if the men back in my village will stand back and watch that happen. A village in a part of the country where custom is law. But I guess my family and friends should be ready to fight them lol. And knowing them, fight they will.
