At what point does all this madness stop? Because I am telling you, if I have to deal with just one more talking stage…
At this point, modern dating feels like a part time job, only that it has no salary or benefits, and no hope of promotion. Simply, one is just there. People are exhausted. From what exactly? I can hear you ask. Who doesn’t want to love and be loved back? Well, the person that has had enough of “hey’s” that lead nowhere.
Everywhere I turn is someone that is exhausted from the bread crumbing, ghosting and the “healed but emotionally unavailable” brigade. Let’s not even begin on the nonchalant insanity and situationships that never quite enter any situation. And as we buy yet another iced latte for yet another talking stage destined to die after three weeks, a dangerous, slightly forbidden thought begins to form.
Maybe, just maybe, our parents were onto something.
Not the forced marriages that need to stay firmly in the museum but the other side of African arranged unions. The ones that were vetted by family partnerships that focused on compatibility first and chaos later. Because if dating is this draining in 2026, maybe it’s time we reconsidered what we dismissed, right?
Right.
When most people hear the term arranged marriage, the thing that comes to mind is a terrified girl being handed to a stranger chosen by elders. A terrified girl who happened to be too bright and intelligent but whose education had to be cut short because her parents were quite the greedy lot, exchanging her for a couple of emancipated looking cows. But across many African communities, traditional arranged unions were built on compatibility over chemistry, community involvement over lonely guesswork and a partnership first approach that allowed love to grow with time rather than burn out after two intense weeks. Sana sana hapo kwa growing with time. Before families settled on a partner, they always looked at a person’s values, reputation, work ethic and temperament. These things? In 2025, they are the kind of traits you only discover six months into a situationship. Do you know what amuses me the most? That their pairings were almost always right, and almost always lasted.
But if we are being honest with ourselves, the concept never really left. We never abandoned it. We’ve just rebranded it and made it look like something modern and sophisticated.
Now we call them dating apps, but what they basically are, is digital aunties. Swipe left, swipe right, filter out tribes, sort by height, pick based on profession….tell me again how this is different from your grandmother’s selection process? Relationship coaches on Instagram have quietly taken the place of the riverside elders who used to advise couples. Your mother is already Googling every man you date while your sister stalks their Instagram and your cousin checks mutual friends. And then of course, Churches are out there low key (maybe not so lowkey) matchmaking couples.
And if your friends do not try to “introduce you to someone serious” are they even your friends in the first place? That, in a nutshell, is an arranged setup in modern packaging.
Arranged marriages version 2.0., that’s what.
Maybe that’s why the idea isn’t as wild as it sounds. A reimagined, voluntary, modern arrangement could actually fix the parts of dating that feel broken. For starters, it brings back intentionality. Instead of guessing someone’s intentions for three months everyone knows why they’re in the room. Come to think of it, why should you waste 3 months pretending to be what you are not and acting like you both want the same things while knowing very well you are wasting each other’s time. Amazing, right? No more bullshitting in the form of talking stage.
What’s your favorite color and other shenanigans.
Families also see red flags that butterflies and delusion tend to hide. (Delulu is the solulu…or somethinng they say along those lines). A brought together partnership reduces the heartbreak cycles that people are now numb to (out here is bad I tell you.) It prioritizes compatibility and shared values over the fleeting chemistry that often evaporates after the honeymoon texting phase. And perhaps most importantly, such unions were never just two people alone against the world. A community stood with them, offering support instead of leaving couples to struggle silently.
Of course, this conversation needs balance. I am not here to romantisize traditional arranged systems that had their flaws. Not at all. And I know very well that you cannot have your cake and eat it. I know how family pressure can get toxic and understand perfectly well that consent wasn’t always central. Many people stayed in unhappy marriages because leaving meant shame. Gender roles were rigid and abuse could be hidden under the guise of family honour. So no, this is not a call to revive the old system. If anything, it’s a call to borrow the good while discarding everything dangerous.
A modern version must be built on autonomy, respect, choice and safety.
I won’t even lie, the older I get, the more appealing this idea begins to look lol. Deep down, beneath the jokes and the chaos, beneath the shared exhaustion of modern love, many people feel that dating today is a mess. Structure doesn’t sound so crazy anymore.
Maybe it is time we reconsidered arranged marriages not to return, but to reimagine. Not to control love, but to support it. And maybe that’s the real provocation, that in a world full of choices but starving for direction, perhaps a little arrangement could go a long way.
Speaking of Which, Maybe It’s Time We Reconsidered Arranged Marriages
At what point does all this madness stop? Because I am telling you, if I have to deal with just one more talking stage…
At this point, modern dating feels like a part time job, only that it has no salary or benefits, and no hope of promotion. Simply, one is just there. People are exhausted. From what exactly? I can hear you ask. Who doesn’t want to love and be loved back? Well, the person that has had enough of “hey’s” that lead nowhere.
Everywhere I turn is someone that is exhausted from the bread crumbing, ghosting and the “healed but emotionally unavailable” brigade. Let’s not even begin on the nonchalant insanity and situationships that never quite enter any situation. And as we buy yet another iced latte for yet another talking stage destined to die after three weeks, a dangerous, slightly forbidden thought begins to form.
Maybe, just maybe, our parents were onto something.
Not the forced marriages that need to stay firmly in the museum but the other side of African arranged unions. The ones that were vetted by family partnerships that focused on compatibility first and chaos later. Because if dating is this draining in 2026, maybe it’s time we reconsidered what we dismissed, right?
Right.
When most people hear the term arranged marriage, the thing that comes to mind is a terrified girl being handed to a stranger chosen by elders. A terrified girl who happened to be too bright and intelligent but whose education had to be cut short because her parents were quite the greedy lot, exchanging her for a couple of emancipated looking cows. But across many African communities, traditional arranged unions were built on compatibility over chemistry, community involvement over lonely guesswork and a partnership first approach that allowed love to grow with time rather than burn out after two intense weeks. Sana sana hapo kwa growing with time. Before families settled on a partner, they always looked at a person’s values, reputation, work ethic and temperament. These things? In 2025, they are the kind of traits you only discover six months into a situationship. Do you know what amuses me the most? That their pairings were almost always right, and almost always lasted.
But if we are being honest with ourselves, the concept never really left. We never abandoned it. We’ve just rebranded it and made it look like something modern and sophisticated.
Now we call them dating apps, but what they basically are, is digital aunties. Swipe left, swipe right, filter out tribes, sort by height, pick based on profession….tell me again how this is different from your grandmother’s selection process? Relationship coaches on Instagram have quietly taken the place of the riverside elders who used to advise couples. Your mother is already Googling every man you date while your sister stalks their Instagram and your cousin checks mutual friends. And then of course, Churches are out there low key (maybe not so lowkey) matchmaking couples.
And if your friends do not try to “introduce you to someone serious” are they even your friends in the first place? That, in a nutshell, is an arranged setup in modern packaging.
Arranged marriages version 2.0., that’s what.
Maybe that’s why the idea isn’t as wild as it sounds. A reimagined, voluntary, modern arrangement could actually fix the parts of dating that feel broken. For starters, it brings back intentionality. Instead of guessing someone’s intentions for three months everyone knows why they’re in the room. Come to think of it, why should you waste 3 months pretending to be what you are not and acting like you both want the same things while knowing very well you are wasting each other’s time. Amazing, right? No more bullshitting in the form of talking stage.
What’s your favorite color and other shenanigans.
Families also see red flags that butterflies and delusion tend to hide. (Delulu is the solulu…or somethinng they say along those lines). A brought together partnership reduces the heartbreak cycles that people are now numb to (out here is bad I tell you.) It prioritizes compatibility and shared values over the fleeting chemistry that often evaporates after the honeymoon texting phase. And perhaps most importantly, such unions were never just two people alone against the world. A community stood with them, offering support instead of leaving couples to struggle silently.
Of course, this conversation needs balance. I am not here to romantisize traditional arranged systems that had their flaws. Not at all. And I know very well that you cannot have your cake and eat it. I know how family pressure can get toxic and understand perfectly well that consent wasn’t always central. Many people stayed in unhappy marriages because leaving meant shame. Gender roles were rigid and abuse could be hidden under the guise of family honour. So no, this is not a call to revive the old system. If anything, it’s a call to borrow the good while discarding everything dangerous.
A modern version must be built on autonomy, respect, choice and safety.
I won’t even lie, the older I get, the more appealing this idea begins to look lol. Deep down, beneath the jokes and the chaos, beneath the shared exhaustion of modern love, many people feel that dating today is a mess. Structure doesn’t sound so crazy anymore.
Maybe it is time we reconsidered arranged marriages not to return, but to reimagine. Not to control love, but to support it. And maybe that’s the real provocation, that in a world full of choices but starving for direction, perhaps a little arrangement could go a long way.
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