More and more, it seems that everywhere you turn, someone is complaining.
Ohh, Dating apps have ruined love. Mara, social media has destroyed relationships.
We hear statements like, nobody is loyal anymore. (I personally think it is unfair to base loyalty on groin matters, but that is story for another day.)
Is modern romance broken?
As much as we would all love to have a scapegoat and blame the algorithm, is the uncomfortable truth much simpler?
What if the problem is not the apps but us?
Technology did not invent human behaviour, only magnified it. Do the dating apps also create dishonesty, ghosting, unrealistic standards, or commitment issues? Those things existed long before the first swipe.
We can all – collectively – decide to bury our heads in the sand, but the truth is that the modern dating world is like a giant mirror, and many of us do not like what we see reflected back.
For instance, everyone complains about being ghosted. Yet everyone ghosts everyone else. Sometimes it felt easier than explaining we were no longer interested. Sometimes we convinced ourselves we did not owe them an explanation. Either way, we quietly participated in the very culture we claim to hate.
Then there are the standards. This, in a nutshell, is the era or standards and aesthetics.
Across social media, people declare their lists with impressive confidence. Must be tall, financially stable, be emotionally intelligent. Sapiosexual, if you may. Must also be funny, loyal, ambitious, stylish, romantic, attentive and preferably look good in photos too, while also knowing how to take the best photos. Ohh, and must also be able to eat ass, or whatever else seems to be trending at the moment. He better come packed as a horse too, for bonus points.
A demi god, that’s what.
Standards are healthy. But some of these are unrealistic and unhealthy. Are you in the hunt for a lover or a superhero? Also, are you offering the same things you are out there demanding for?
Because modern dating is full of people searching for emotionally available partners while refusing to be emotionally available themselves. We want honesty, but we avoid difficult conversations. We want loyalty, but we keep several options quietly warming on the bench. We want effort, but God forbid we give some back in return.
It is easier to say the system is broken than to admit we sometimes contribute to the chaos.
The abundance of choice has not helped either. Dating apps turned romance into a marketplace of endless possibility. At any moment there might be someone better one swipe away. Better, in this context, is highly debatable. The argument could go either way. It is true that in a world with more than 2 billion people, there will always be someone taller. Someone richer, funnier and even more exciting. However…..
And when human beings believe something better is always around the corner, patience begins to disappear. Small flaws become deal breakers and normal disagreements feel like red flags (yes, that word). Instead of working through discomfort, many people simply exit and start again.
Swipe…. Match…. Talking stage…. Lose interest. Repeat process, even more viciously.
Of course, none of this means modern love is doomed. Plenty of people are still finding meaningful relationships every day. They are building families and proving that connection is still possible in a world full of distractions.
It is all about self awareness. The people who succeed in modern dating are often the ones willing to look inward as much as outward. They ask difficult questions about their own behaviour and recognize their own patterns. They admit when fear, ego, or unrealistic expectations might be shaping their decisions. In other words, they stop pretending the entire world is the problem.
So the next time the internet starts blaming dating apps for the collapse of romance, it might be worth pausing for a moment and asking a quieter question. Sometimes the most accurate diagnosis is also the simplest.
It is us. We are the problem.
